thoughts on 2 weeks postpartum

I wrote this post 2 weeks after Holtan was born, and in my fog of new babyness, I never got it posted, thinking I wanted to edit it and add pictures.. that's funny, like I have time for that. So here it is, a month and a half late, unedited and without photos... I'm publishing it, because it's part of our story, and I don't want to forget this part. 

So far, so good here. Breast feeding has been great. At first, of course, it was uncomfortable, but since day 1, Holtan has just seemed to know what to do, my milk came in, and we haven't really struggled. I honestly can't believe how amazing breast feeding is, how my body knows to produce just the right amount for him, and how he knows how to get it from me. Nature rocks.

Sleep is broken and whenever I can get it. I'm up several times throughout the night changing diapers, and nursing him, but those late night feedings, when its just the two of us, are pretty special.

I'm so, so tired. I'm lucky to have Dave and his help, and I'm able to sleep a little during the day.

About a week after he was born, I hit my lowest point. It was an ice storm, I hadn't been out of the house for 3 days, I had been in pajamas for over a week, and I was so, so tired. I cried a little that day, about feeling completely overwhelmed, mostly by people wanting to come visit. Actually, that has probably been the hardest thing for me to manage. While I know it is all in good intention and everyone is very excited to meet our much anticipated little man, I have struggled with managing visits from friends and family. Luckliy, everyone is very understanding. But when someone visits during the day time, that means I miss out on precious sleep time, and then I also have to be up all night long. Not a good combo. My turning point was getting out of the house to have coffee with a friend, then a solo trip to Target. This COMPLETELY changed my attitude. I was me again, not just a milk producing mom. I HIGHLY suggest to any new mom, when you feel up to it, find a friend to take you out to lunch or coffee or something during that second week. Game changer. 

I had my placenta encapsulated, which I think has helped with my mood. While there are many benefits to encapsulated your placenta, combating postpartum depression was my main goal. Overall, it has been good, and I can't really complain, except that I'm tired (have I mentioned that?)

I also feel a little pressure to work, which stinks, because I'm technically supposed to be on maternity leave, but when you own your own business, there really is no such thing as maternity leave. I still have to check the email, phone messages, and get back to people about Natural Plus things. Spring is still coming. But I am trying to give myself grace and only do a little bit each day, and let the stuff that doesn't really matter sit on the back burner for awhile. 

This motherhood stuff is truly amazing. I'm tired, but totally in love with this little human that relies on me every 2 hours to feed him and comfort him. It's totally cliche, but becoming a mom for the second time has been the hardest, most rewarding thing I've ever done. And we're just getting started.