One of the challenges during my #28daysofgratitudechallenge was diving into three things I am grateful for in my past.

DISCLAIMER: It was truly hard to pick just three. I believe everything in my past, both good and bad, has shaped me in to who I am. So I went with my gut on this one, and picked the first three things that came to mind and dove a little deeper in to each of them.

1. Becoming an aunt for the first time. Before my niece Kate was born, I didn’t want kids. I didn’t really know or understand what that might look like in my life, but I was focused on career and travel, and kids didn’t seem to fit in to what I thought I wanted. When she came 5 weeks early, and I held her for the first time, I realized there was this love for another human that I had never felt before and honestly didn’t know existed. She wasn’t mine, but man, I loved her (I would learn a whole new love when I had my own too). Shortly after, I moved to Mason City and lived with my sister for a few months. I will never forget those months of snuggles with Kate. Looking back it was right where I was supposed to be (that’s when I met Dave) but I had no way of knowing that then. I am so grateful that 10 years ago, my sister had her first baby, and it changed my life.

2. The opportunity to make a huge life shift and buy the nursery. I am not blind to the fact that many people aren’t given the opportunity to purchase an established family business, and for that I am fortunate. Making the decision to buy the nursery and move out to the country shifted my life forever. I discovered a part of me that I didn’t know existed. I had never lived in the country, and I quickly learned that I love it: being outside, gardening, growing my own food, and then documenting it by blogging, sharing online and with social media. I became passionate about being an entrepreneur, and the fun thing is, I’m just getting started. I am also thankful that I knew to follow my heart and let go of my occupational therapy career as it was no longer serving me. The ability to be flexible and flow with my life is one thing I do not take for granted, but also choose on a daily basis.

3. Our first child, David Holtan. It feels weird to choose a tragedy to be thankful for, but there are so many good things that came out of the biggest heart break of my life. Of course the first was my son. I am forever grateful to have held him, even though it was for such a short time. He made me a mom, and for a long time, that was a very confusing title for me. I was a mom, but I had nothing physical to show for it, and it was hard to accept. Losing David has taught me so much about LOVE and LOSS, heartache and grief, but also HOPE, FAITH, and TRUST. In order to love and be loved, you must be vulnerable, take a risk, and believe that the good will outweigh the bad. We must have more hope, faith, and trust than we have fear. My pregnancies after David have not been without anxiety and fear. But I continue to choose hope, faith, and trust, because I know that is the only way for me to have what I truly want: healthy children and a family.

This gratitude challenge has already stretched me in so many ways, to dig deeper in to what my life is about, what I choose daily, and how I see things.