I started a draft at 24 weeks, and it’s still sitting in my draft folder, empty. I’ve gotten so much better about giving myself grace, not forcing my writing or blogging and just going with the flow, however, I really do love having some blog posts about each pregnancy to look back on, so I am forcing myself to sit down to take the time to reflect on this pregnancy so far.
Past pregnancy posts can be found HERE
This is pregnancy #3, which may come as a shock to some, since I only have one living child at home, but my first born, David Holtan (who we lovingly call Baby David) was stillborn at 27 weeks. I wrote lots of blog posts about him and our grief, but here’s ONE of them (you can also search this blog for David Holtan.)
This pregnancy has been uneventful, thankfully. And I really can’t complain about too much, except being very tired, but I know that’s to be expected when you’re creating a human being inside your body.
I committed to going to yoga class one time per week throughout this pregnancy, and so far I’ve stuck to it. I do yoga not only for the physical benefits, but also to quiet my mind and ease my anxiety. I know I should probably be more physically active, but honestly I’m listening more to the voice in my head that’s telling me to go rest, more so than the one that’s telling me to get up and move—like I said, I’M TIRED.
I’m not sure I have too many cravings, although pickles taste REALLY good, and I have no desire to eat any leafy greens like spinach or kale. Otherwise, I’ve really been enjoying the North Iowa Fresh bounty box a la carte option, and been trying to get a lot of fruits and vegetables in, even though I would much rather just have macaroni and cheese.
Holtan is the sweetest with my belly. He loves to lay on it, hug it, and says, “I love the baby so much.” I am looking forward to seeing his reaction when he meets the baby for the first time, and I’m certain the baby is going to be very responsive to him as well. He is asking questions like, “How is the baby going to come out?” and was even curious if maybe it would come out my arm. Yikes. I sure hope not. He also has been asking a lot, “Can I see your big belly?” which I think is the cutest.
Pregnancy after loss is hard. For the entire first trimester, we didn’t really celebrate the pregnancy, sort of as a guard against what we’ve experienced before. I’ve struggled with jealousy of other women, who seemingly get pregnant, are SO excited and have no worries or issues (even though I know that its not true).
I started to feel the baby move very early on, and I think much of that is due to being in tune with my body and connected to the baby via cranial sacral therapy (more on that another time). I am so grateful to continue to be reassured by these movements.
We aren’t finding out the sex of this baby, but Holtan wants to name the baby “Big Boy Hopper” whether its a boy or a girl.
I know Dec 20 will be here before we know it-I’m so excited!