It's amazing how much I have learned and changed in the last 7 months. I am thankful for the people that have come into my life, and been a big part of my healing. My friend Molly lost her beautiful baby girl Stella on June 15, 2013, the same day she welcomed her baby boy Griffin to her family.
Her story is different, but we are so similar. Molly and I were friends before March, but now our friendship is deeper, we understand each other. As soon as she heard about Baby David, she reached out, stopped by, and shared her story with us. I can't tell you how amazing it was for Dave and I to hear that we weren't alone.
I am so grateful for her friendship, her understanding, and her experiences; they have helped me through. Molly and her husband have walked this road of grief before us, and her wisdoms have helped me process. After a conversation one evening, she sent me a list of some of the things she's learned, and I thought they were too good not to share.
A few things, in Molly's own words, that she has learned:
- You can experience the deepest sad and happy all in the same minute.
- You can carry a healthy baby and a sleeping baby for a month.
- There is a section in the cemetery called "Babyland."
- In our experience, there are no words to describe how unbelievable the nurses at Mercy are.
- Some people are just plain stupid.
- Always, always go to the funeral.
- I guess I'm strong. But I just DO, I don't really know what's strong about me.
- I LOVE when other people talk about Stella and say her name. My heart explodes when I see someone else has visited the cemetery.
- That saying "I think about you all the time" can really be true.
- I never once felt comforted when people stayed away or kept their distance.
- When you lose someone older you grieve because you miss them and all the memories you made. When you lose a baby you grieve because you'll never get to make those memories or share in the greatness they could've been. Either of those situations sucks, one isn't harder, one isn't easier.
- People, or maybe just women I'm not sure, say and do things to make sure others aren't uncomfortable. I did/do sometimes lie so someone else doesn't feel bad. And as much as that seems messed up to me, I still do it!
- I think everyone means well...
- I am in love with Stella's park.
- It's ok to have bad days or bad minutes. I know some of my triggers but am surprised by others.
- Crying lowers your blood pressure. Which is weird, I cried the whole last month of my pregnancy and was put on medication for high blood pressure.
- After meeting Griffin I have no doubt that Stella would be absolutely adorable.
- It helps a lot to have someone to talk to who has gone through a similar situation. But I don't wish this club membership on anyone. Anyone.
I hate that Molly and I are in the same club, but I love that I have her to talk to, to cry with, and to tell her some of the crazy thoughts and feelings that come along with grieving the loss of a child.
Thank you Molly for being brave and sharing your nuggets of wisdom with us!